She said to me,

now you can call home

and welcome back

all of the parts of you

that went dormant over the last 8 years

unsafe to be expressed. 

I wanted to cry for those parts

but I couldn’t. 

Still numb there, and that’s so perfectly ok.

We sat in silence,

A few ‘wows’ were spoken

while reviewing

the field.

I said,

I know what true peace is now.

I know what true sovereignty is now.

I thought I was living so free 

and peacefully all these years 

and yet I was mostly protecting

fighting for what is real

gosh there is so much more

but now I am here in this meadow 

and I get to ask again,

Who am I?

I am finding myself

Not know what to do

I’m having the slowest days 

Playing lego with my kids,

Baking,

Writing,

Pilates,

the slow kind

and I’m even staying for the

stretch at the end

I’m laying on the grass just 

laying

for ages

laying

and inside something says 

‘You should be doing something’

and I say back with the wisest 

part of me, 

(she probably knits)

I say ‘Doing something?

What on earth is there to do?

I’m doing less than ever and 

yet I’m doing more than ever

because my field is

no longer stained by the 

seduction and distraction 

of what is false 

So even laying on the grass

gets me a god dam gold medal

from the earth

I’d rather lay flat on my back for

a whole day and emanate peace

purity realness 

than be compulsively active 

I say lay baby lay,

the only emergency is the 

mass distraction of the soul

once we are home,

nothing is urgent.

I say to her,

Now that I have nothing to prove,

Nothing to defend,

No one to blame,

No false stories to repeat,

No hooks and tentacles,

It’s like.. 

What do I do?

God I guess I just enjoy my life?

Yes, she said.

You enjoy your life. 

The Meadow. Coming soon. X