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Musings: Hello, wild woman (and other musings).
A long email and a good invitation at the end.
Written mid December 2021.
I am writing this from a secret spot. I’m on a fluffy white rug on the floor of our spareroom, crouched down hiding beside the bed. Imagine a half assed child’s pose with a laptop right beneath the nose, and that’s me. I slept about two hours last night because my two year old son is on a night time booby rampage and also because…. we’re in a vortex. One mighty home-made matcha latte is giving my body a 30 minute window in which to write. So here I am, hiding with my laptop before my kids run in and tap tap tap the keys on my laptop, accidentally turning on the voiceover function.
In Women Who Run with The Wolves, I read that (and I use my own word here) women’s art shouldn’t be made only in stolen moments throughout the day… it should be a priority of the family. As we know, a woman’s creative fulfillment is sustenance for the family. She, the nourisher, nourishes best when she is nourished. While I know this, there are times when the natural flow of life ushers us away from the laptop. Sometimes, our art is simply living. Sometimes, our art is experiencing pain. Sometimes, our art is tending to our home with a deeper, more fierce love and attention than ever. Sometimes, we are ushered away from our art, in order to perfect it.
I haven’t written much lately. I’ve been deep in a personal ‘fire’ as I like to call it. I imagine many have been sitting in the flames of their personal fires more than ever in these last two years. It’s the life/death/life cycle. It’s life saying ‘Ok, we’re done with this way, with this identity, with this program, with this incongruency, with this suffering, with this restriction.’ And then it burns. Without warning and without giving you a say as to how you’d like the burning to happen. It just burns.
I don’t feel the urge to talk about the depth of my fire nor the details. I will say that I love myself, 1000x more than before I walked into it. I will say that I touched and felt a pain that had been waiting to be felt since I was 4 years old. I will say that I got to parts of me that I wouldn’t have gotten to if it wasn’t for letting life truly have it’s way with me in a more intense way than ever.
As women, we can hold life and death at once. When we give birth, often we experience a ’death’ right before giving birth to new life. Our range is remarkable and it’s important to note, not understood by many people. During my darkest days recently, I would flow between ecstasy and peace, depression and rage. I would touch every edge of myself within an hour…I would process some of the oldest and sorest pain inside me while still caring for my children and holding space for their processes. I would move throughout the day emotionally and physically at my edge but more sane, real and honest than ever. All while cooking organic meals, keeping everyone well as the season changed, fitting some self care in, caring for new mums in my community, reading to my kids til my eyelids closed, tending to my creations, checking in on people…. etc. Women are capable of so much, because we know how to be at the edges.
We aren’t taught to understand the wild woman, much less revere her.
Men aren’t taught to understand the wild woman, much less know how to hold her.
I have learned so much about the wild woman and my wild woman over the last two months. My most recent personal ‘fire’ has initiated me into my wild woman, even more so than the life transforming moments of giving birth to my two children in my living room- the most primal experience and affirmation of my power and nature ever.
I have learned all the times and ways that I gaslit myself, cognitively arguing against my intuition and instinct.
I have learned all the times I was absolutely bang on with trusting it.
I have learned what influences, projections and people habitually interfere with the ease in which I trust my knowing…
I have learned which projections from people and society keep me ‘tame’ in places I want to bust the fuck out like a wolf howling, more free and married to my nature than I ever dreamed I could be.
I have learned that it is my responsibility to stay wild, and to no longer allow anyone the power to tame me, or interfere with the most sacred natural instincts and powers of a wild woman.
I have re-learned that as a woman and a mother, I am the intuitive heartbeat of my family and that there is no higher authority than the messages of my body.
Dear one, do not allow anyone to ridicule your wildness, just because most don’t understand it.
Stay true to the untamed nature that feels most right and alive in you.
Know this: Most do not understand nature and are so deeply separated from it and from theirs, that they will wrong you for being in yours.
Know this so you can stop gaslighting yourself for what you feel, and for what you know.
Right now, we talk a lot about how broken and corrupt the system is. Because, yeh it’s fucked. But, the other night while cooking dinner for my family I stopped with the realisation that… wow. The system will never return to its right place or ‘nature’ in a way that serves humanity…. Unless WE EACH INDIVIDUALLY return to our wild nature.
So often, we are spending our energy on trying to start a revolution, and yet there are systems inside our own life, in dire need of a revolt.
So often, we are spending our energy protesting and petitioning to overthrow the government, and yet we are still ignoring our own internal governance.
So often, we are spending our energy on saying ‘fuck you’ to the system, and yet our own internal bodily systems are feeling neglected.
As Osho says ‘You’re trying to start a revolution and you have not yet passed your inner rebellion’.
THE REVOLUTION STARTS WITH OUR OWN NATURE.
So, whatever needs to burn away so you can become naked in your true essence, let it fucking burn.
And as it burns and you feel like you’re experiencing a true and honest death… know that you are. Just as nature does.
Stop being so influenced by people and things who have a gaping chasm between them and nature. Start listening to those who are wild. Start listening to Nature herself. Start paying more attention to the lessons of Indigenous Cultures and yes… doing whatever is within reach to preserve these teachings as they are a golden key to our reconnection with each other and our Earth.
There is one woman, who’s words I read religiously right now. Her substack is ‘Slowdown Farmstead.’ I paid the highest I possibly could for her subscription, because I value her words, insight, art… so much. It is real. It is hearty. It is moving. When her emails reach my inbox, I immediately ‘star’ them and then read them (often while on the toilet) as a special treat to myself. I appreciate her words so much. I LOVE that I can pay her for them.
Often, people will create long form newsletters and send big emails, as a way to lead people into their bigger work. Gary Vee has that theory of jab jab jab hook. Meaning, give people free stuff, more free stuff, more free stuff, then offer the product. I have never really subscribed to this model. I am starting to learn why.
When I create books, It takes a lot of life to live, a lot of time to write, and for me…. A LOT of diligence, time and money for the printed/publishing process. I like to make books beautiful, make limited edition versions, use special paper and binding methods… not just throw them up on amazon. And yet, the book publishing process that way I do it, is a biggg investment on my part. One that I love, because I am deeply passionate about TACTILE BEAUTY, and books as a lifelong treasure to be passed along through generations.
Another challenge I find with book writing is that, sometimes the words feel old by the time they reach your people. I recently jumped in to edit a collection of writings, written over 2020/2021, and much of it felt too ‘old’ to publish. I wasn’t excited by it. I wouldn’t feel excited to share it. Perhaps that’s just me and my innate need for freshness (cue, human design and gene keys that tell me this left right and centre). I am now going back and combing it down to ONLY include the bits that feel fresh enough to publish now.
And while saying that, I also understand the need for books to be timestamps. When people tell me they’re reading Earth Is Hiring or Stop Missing The Point, sometimes I cringe. “Gosh I had such a liberal attitude back then. I wouldn’t write those words now” I think.
But that was who I was then. And so, I like for my books to capture real time perspectives so when we look back we can track where we were, and for my children they can track ‘who I was’.
Right now I’m also editing my book ‘the mother summer’ which is so many pieces of writing over the last 5 years. I read some bits of it and feel ‘dam that isn’t my language anymore.’ But, I want my children to have this account, to know how I felt, to have this timestamp in beautiful word art.
Oh the dilemma!! Anyway….
I have been feeling over the last few years, ‘What if I could write as it comes to me, and send it to my community so that they’re reading everything in real time?’. I have always done this via instagram, but I’d be lying if I felt that I was feeling sustained, nourished by that exchange. I love reading that my words move people and I love feeling the resonance between me and my community. Occasionally, I will offer a paid product or event. But, my true art? It’s writing.
Sure, I am also creating other things. The title of this new living magazine is PK & The philosophies of Fra Aero. Fra Aero is a nuanced Liberation and Lifestyle Philosophy, and basically my natural expression, that I am excited to share via this new channel. I’ll share snippets on IG, but the magic will happen here.
My in person HUBS, are to be the physical expression of this philosophy. Nothing excites me more than the creation of these hubs. I will have a website for you to peek soon, as I know many of you have come along the journey for close to 7 years that I’ve been speaking about these hubs! Gosh, for a manifestor (in HD), 7 years is a looooooong time to hold a vision.
So with this, I want to invite you to subscribe to my longer form, real time writing’s and expressions via this platform, substack. I call it my Living Magazine: PK & the Philosophies of Fra Aero.
I will share whatever is natural and ripe for me to share, simply put. I won’t abide by a timing schedule, but will let it be wild, natural and perfect in that way. I want to write to you about wildness, nature, deep wellbeing, the nuances of our liberation, beauty, excitement, freshness, mothering…. I want to write to you about the process of creating the hubs and to have a closer knit community that perhaps, can be apart of that.
This will be an accessible paid subscription, so that I can honour myself as a writer, and let you honour me in that way, too.
As I said, shorter clippings of the writings will go onto IG and telegram.
We are all called to be different things for the world right now. What I am called the most to, is to nourish those in my innermost world with as much love as I can muster (because this is my true thriving) and also, to share with you a frequency and an exploration that is uniquely mine to offer…. That is, the evolution of what my work has always been about, in her freshest form.
Fra Aero… How good it can be. (™)
Love, PK XX